Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Maeve lost her first tooth

Maeve has lost her first tooth! Her first naturally lost one, below the one on top knocked out by a jump out of the stroller at age two. I am excited for her as she goes into her next phase of childhood. I remember how proud she was when she took her first step. She realized she had accomplished something big. This isn't as dramatic as that, but more poignant in some ways because it marks the end of her "babyness". I've been aware that this is the last year she will still be in it. Becoming six is a big turning point, and she will not be the same again. I will miss her so. I would do it all over again. She has been such a delightful baby.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Last day

I'm glad I've been here doing Soul Coaching. It started because I was interested in getting a new blog going, and I thought it would encourage me to write often. It has. I also wanted to check out the idea of tuning into my soul more. Seeing more about what forces there are in the world (can you really manifest what you want? huh?). I am seeing a coach lately who uses these methods (asking the universe for what you want, etc.) and I was ripe to learn more. I have learned a little more through Soul Coaching. For example, I tried Denise's suggestion to look for signs from the universe and it made me giggle what I found. Unfortunately I forgot the first one that made me giggle the most! Here's another that happened right after though. I was driving, thinking about some of Denise's suggestions and my experience doing this book blog, and I was wondering about what I would say about love. I looked up and there was an IKEA sign with a collage of the word LOVE. A few things like that happened in a row. It was quite delightful. It made me see the world (again, I already did) as having a gentle, humorous side. I'd like to experiment more with this.
I think the most important thing I've gotten out of Soul Coaching though is another opportunity to experiment with opening up. Sharing my experiences/truth and hearing others'. I think I did a pretty good job of this sometimes here. And other times kindof not. Partly because of time constraints - kids, dog, job, house, all got in the way of blogging EVERY day. But it's also hard to be open (at least for me) consistently. Every day. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes I don't trust that someone will be there to listen or accept. And that's really all we want. If what comes after this (including the second book blog, which I'm doing!) includes that, that's really all that's necessary (that, and some nifty art, and some sweet inspiration). Thanks to everyone for sharing this experience. I am touched again at the generosity of human hearts.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Day 27: Future Self

Future selves are always so fun to think about - because you can think up anything, and savour what you love. So, here's my version:

I am living in community, and involved in art-making all of the time (dancing, painting, writing, singing, knitting...). I have a very colourful life. I belong to a loosely connected, vibrant artist community, in the country and city, who I make art with, and I live with a small group of other people, too. People interested in living ecologically and exploring spirituality, art-making, living honestly, and with a lot of fun (very important). We live near nature, but have some city time, too. We also have lots of individual time as we need it, as well. Our favourite thing to do is hang out, making food and art together - long days together. We have gorgeous gardens that provide some of our food. Maybe some bees, too. We are well-respected in our larger community. I want also to be a somatic teacher/writer/therapist - helping people become fully embodied, and able to know and follow their deepest impulses. I want to combine sensorimotor psychotherapy, process work, expressive arts therapy and relational therapy for a powerful, fully embodied, joyful, intuitive, honest, and deep work that helps people access their wildest selves and engage with others in a real way. I also have dogs (I get another one!). My children have many mature, emotionally fulfilled adults in their lives who love them, to help them become their fullest selves. I make kick-ass art that I LOVE! I say and do things through my work that make a difference in people's lives. I laugh a lot. I don't hold back on finding ways to delight myself and my children.

My life currently holds some of the seeds of this, including a friend with land who wants to start an intentional community and art retreat centre and elder care centre in the Shelburne area. I am part of a group that is talking about how to make this happen.

I will hold open the possibility in my mind that all of my dreams can come true.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Day 26: Belonging

I was inspired by Jamie's quote on the Soul Coaching site today about belonging here in cyberspace. I decided that even on those days, like today, that are busy, I want to keep my hand in here and say a little something. Even if I don't have a big or long thing to say, and don't have -any- time to look for a lovely picture for you all, although I'd love to have one (and will again). Each Soul Coaching day's focus stays in my mind throughout the day even when I haven't written. Musing today on what my soul needs to feel planted here in my home. I don't have any answers, but the question is there, prodding me to look. One thing that I wanted to mention on the topic of feeling at home in nature, is that I feel a little more so now that I am walking a dog all the time. This is a big part of why I wanted a dog, and it's working. I feel a deep longing to feel even more a part of nature. I think I may be someone who thrives when outside a lot. I want to move towards that, even though it scares me some, too (mostly of physical discomfort). Are there people who need nature more than others? Or, do we all need it like that, and our modern culture has alienated us? How big a cost is this? (I know it's huge). How I love that our longing points us home.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Day 24

Level 3 called out to me today. When I tried on the Level 2 exercise, I knew that confidence is what I am inspired to embody more, but I realized I feel kindof too tired to radiate that all the time! Hence, rejuvenation (Level 3)... so, I pondered this throughout the day, how rejuvenation comes for me through different things.. sleep, massage, laughter, colour, food, walking for a long time, the particular kind of presence that children bring, re-immersing myself in the part of me I sometimes touch when making art. On a somewhat related note - I discovered a fabulous new artist/architect today - Hundertwasser - check him out. His colour and whimsy rejuvenates me.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Days 19-23!

wow. I'm bummed I've missed so many days.. I got busy and then I went here... (with my children to their father's farm near Owen Sound). But that's not to say I haven't been reading along and doing some exercises. Here's a very brief synopsis of the days I missed. I really enjoyed many of them.
Day 19: Facing Your Death/Embracing Your Life: I did Level 1 for this day: Making a Ceremonial Fire. The thoughts and feelings that went through me when I was doing this ritual were both the feeling that this body/self had a lot to work with (I wasn't so bad after all), and that I wanted this self to have some real happiness in this life. I felt committed to doing my best to make that happen.
Day 20: I didn't do any exercises this day, although I responded deeply to the words in Level 1 describing our deepest selves as "sweet, pure, and serene, and [having] always been with you". This touched that part of me.
Day 21: For some reason, Denise's statement that "creativity is one of the easiest ways to hear the messages of the soul" reached me in a way that no other words on creativity have. I was ready to hear this, and it went in. It validated some experiences I have had with creativity in the last while, and inspired me to re-commit to creativity more seriously. I am only just beginning to learn what it can bring. I'm amazed and very inspired.
Day 22: I did the body assessment, which was mixed, and committed to doing as much dancing as I can.
Day 23: (Today!) I read this over the weekend, and was inspired to meditate on what foods my body seems to want. It answered Soup! Cleansing soups. Brothy, clear, full of vegetables soups. I'm gonna make more of 'em. Thank you for the inspiration. My body liked being listened to. I think I'm going to go grab that dry brush now, too!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Day 18

After reading all three exercises, I tried the 3rd one on in my mind. I imagined saying yes to my experiences today, and felt a turning away, like it was difficult. I immediately felt the closedness of my heart/chest and wondered about it. Later on I tried Exercise 2 and again investigated the closed chest feeling. Here's what came to me as I examined it and experimented with softening, opening up my heart/chest:

* It initially feels so much more comfortable to remain closed
* My heart/chest feels closed/protected, and turned away to the left
* I am aware of how I trip from thing to thing during my day - sometimes subtly wanting to get things over with, and almost all of the time not really sinking in
* I'm afraid life will feel way too overwhelming and I feel how necessary it was for me to do this (protection) as a child.
* I want to focus on softening/opening in this area
* When I soften, it paradoxically feels safer, because my body isn't giving me the message that things aren't safe. Perhaps I just won't experience life the way I did as a child? Perhaps the feeling of overwhelmingness just won't come - it's JUST A MEMORY! I realize.

I conclude that these are things one can only learn through doing - learning it conceptually is only the first (bare) step.
Doing it physically is really the thing - then practicing it.
If I'm softened, somehow I feel more self-contained, calmer
The closing/protection is only a habit (albeit a quick, strong one) - it's not the truth now of what I need to do.

I'm going to keep on practicing this.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Day 17: the most whispy vulnerability

Ay-ya. I didn't realize how many times I have negative feelings about other people until I tried noticing my projections/judgments this morning while walking my son to school. It's a five (or less) minute walk and I had negative feelings about no less than 3 people on the way there and back (probably more if I was even more honest and mindful). god. I thought I was a pretty open, compassionate person. Anyhow, the first one was someone who often walks past me with her nose in the air slightly (or so I see). I tripped over the dog's leash while I was walking towards her and she looked even colder than usual - I attribute it to my gracelessness (vulnerability). Second I saw my neighbour who is alternately friendly or cold depending on the day (I think I'm just not smooth enough for her, and she doesn't respect me - she likes my ex better to boot). Third, I say good morning to a nanny I've seen be cruel to one of her very young charges, feeling slighly guilty about how much I dislike her because of it. I also hope my being friendly might subtly help make her kinder to the children. When I sat tonight looking at what they had in common, I realized it was coldness in the face of vulnerability. This comes up again and again for me. I keep seeing people who I feel don't like me because I appear too vulnerable I think. Interesting. I thought this was just a fact of life. Wondering about it as a projection, I can definitely see how I can be/have been cold in the face of vulnerability. Mainly to myself (though not entirely). I can feel it as soon as I tune into where the feeling might be in my body. It is a hardness I developed to keep on going when things were tough as a child. I mistake it for strength and just what I have to do. I feel guilty somewhat when I'm not cold, as if I'm being too soft on myself, or others, and it feels less safe to not feel cold. I feel more vulnerable. Of course this all makes sense, but, people, I was not even aware of it! Not to this extent anyhow. The last thing I want to be is cold. I understand now that this is why my aim for my life's work is to become sensitive enough to see and take care of people in their most vulnerable states. Without knowing entirely why, a part of me has been leading myself right where I need and want to be. I want to counteract this coldness/hardness skill I've developed. I have the idea that I would eventually like to work with the dying because of the vulnerability (and meaningfulness) inherent in it. I want to be able to cradle, with calm and love, the most whispy vulnerability that exists.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Day 15: Finding my Voice

I have a fear of speaking my truth. Of being seen. This fear goes way back and it stifles me some. It holds me back. I want to find my voice. Boy, do I want to find my voice. One of the ways I want to find my voice is in writing. I've dabbled in it for a long time. I started writing what I called a novel when I was 11. After I'd written some amount of pages, I think it probably brought me too close to feelings I couldn't afford then, and I threw it away. I wish I had it back now. I picked up writing again in my early 20's, writing articles for university newspapers, newsletters of various sorts, poetry; then more recently, a bit of blogging, and a lot of journalling along the way. Writing here for Soul Coaching every day has strengthened my desire to write more again.. to get good at it, or try to anyhow. So I want to state my intention to do that. To find the way and means to practice my writing, get support for it, and hone my skill at it. In the spirit of that, I thought I would write a brief synopsis of the book that I would like to write. Here's a working title: Living the wild: Skills, Techniques, and the Spirit of Somatic-Expressive Arts Therapy. I first have to make up what I mean by Somatic-Expressive arts therapy though! I want to fashion my own mix of transpersonal, relational, somatic, and arts therapy practices/perspectives into a practice that supports people to move, paint, scream, cry, laugh, sing, talk, become self-aware, and become whole. This is the most powerful, meaningful, and most fun thing I can think of to do for my life's work. And I want to write about it. It is my way of singing to the world.

Day 14

Change can occur in a moment, Denise says. This is the kind of change I'm looking for now. Not because I don't want to do the slogging.. the effort, time, and struggle that lots of change comes through, because I've done that. Lots of it. Now I'm ready for the kind that happens just like that. What I want to change right now (badly) is the way I work. I've been working as a psychotherapist for about four or five years, in a traditional talk therapy kind of way. Now I'm ready to include movement, painting, drama, and more of a focus on body experience and the present moment in therapy sessions. Longer sessions, too. An afternoon instead of an hour (at least sometimes). I want to help other people (and myself) become their real and wild selves. And I don't think this can happen fully sitting and talking. In order to do this, I need a big (enough) studio space to do it in. When I'm not working with clients, I want to use this space to create in. Paint, write, dance. I need and want a much more sensual and expansive life, and this is what's calling out to me as the next step.

So, my question for myself is: "How will I quickly and easily find the therapy/studio space of my dreams, so I can get to work now?"


Friday, November 14, 2008

Day 13 - A rich, beautiful life

When I turned to the Soul Coaching site this morning, I was a little surprised and delighted that today was about gratitude. Yesterday I met with my coach, and was talking about how to be with things I had asked for and received (more money, a new dog). I was having a hard time believing my good luck with the new work in my life/new money, and worrying about whether I'd made the right decision with the dog (I tend to be a bit of a worrier). She answered that the right response was gratitude and I smiled, feeling it. She also helped me confirm, in lots of ways, the rightness of my direction, and I was less worried. All of which put me in a frame of mind for gratitude. I get pulled out of seeing the good things I have when I'm worried, worried I should have more, should be better, should be trying differently and/or harder to make sure things are okay, or stay okay. I really appreciate it when I get reminded (kindly) to see what I have to be grateful for. I then feel so much love for who/what I have in my life. After reading the Soul Coaching exercises for today, I sat and let my mind touch on everything I feel grateful for. Many, many things. And I wonder why it's hard not to keep them in mind more. I have a rich, beautiful life. I know this on some level all the time. And I think I need to remind myself to take note in a more conscious way regularly. And I will.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Day 11: Relationships

The first thing I thought of this morning when reading about today's exercises on relating was how I was relating to my dog. For example, this morning when I don't feel like playing and he's there with his squeaky toy, shoving it into my thigh (didn't you just go out for an hour and a half walk?) and I sigh. Go away. Shove him away. And I thought - this isn't how I want to be relating. Sighing, feeling negative, getting uptight about what is a minor discomfort (lack of peace when I'd prefer it). Then something shifted. I just threw the toy for him even though I didn't feel like it. It sounds so tiny, this shift, but I think it may stay with me. I noticed a softening in my voice around certain things throughout the day in a new way. And I'm hoping this will extend to my children, too, who know I can be too stern sometimes. I love them all and want to treat them well. Really, this is all I want in my life. To treat others very well. It is my most deeply held desire. Ideal and practice can take a while to close the gap between, but I inched a tiny inch more today.

May you experience the kindness you deserve in life.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Day 10 - Zapped and Juiced

I thought I'd take a page from Jamie, and instead of writing an endless list of things that zap or juice my energy, I'd write some of just today's. So here goes:

Things that were energy zappers:
not getting enough sleep
eating too many carbohydrates = low blood sugar
related to this, not eating enough protein
the dog barking when I'm tired

Things that were energy juicers:
letting Noam stay home from school and spending the whole day with him one-on-one
visiting the comic book store, The Beguiling, in Mirvish Village
Karma Co-op Food Store - I love this store
dog walk after dinner - I love being outside, and I love walking

I'm sure there were more, but these are the main ones.

hoping you had a good day :)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Day 9 - the source of meaning

i don't know where hope springs from, but it does. given half a chance, it does. what i have been most astounded by, most in love with, on my long long journey of healing, is the light that comes in after we open ourselves, even if that opening means breaking open the most brackish, god-awful pain at first. after the pain, comes the light. this is a miracle to me. it is, just by itself, the source of my faith.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Day 8: Turning Points

This is a difficult post for me to write. I've been humming and hawing about it since last night, what I might write. It's not that my life hasn't had turning points, they are remarkably easy to see, but some things are hard to talk about. I decided to, though, because I want to be able to talk about hard things in a more matter-of-fact way, and not feel like I have to keep secrets. I also know that my experiences (all of them really) are quite common, although some have made me feel outside the human community and very "strange". Here are the major turning points in my life:
* The first, most important, turning point came when my grandfather decided to sexually molest me when I was quite young. I have always had a memory of him doing this when I was 4, around the time his son, my Uncle David, died at the age of 24 of a heart attack. I think now that this was only one of the easiest memories for me to hold, but that there were other more disturbing times, perhaps at younger ages as well. My psyche can only handle so much information at a time, and it comes back to me slowly over the years. I can't tell you how heart-breaking and terrifying these experiences are. I am without adequate words or images. My grandfather was one of my most loved people as a very young child. I was then very afraid that he would do the same to my younger sister, and I think he did. I have felt haunted by deep grief for much of my life. Sometimes I think this is all I really need to say about my life, everything has been formed in reaction to it, with not much room for other growth. This is true to some extent. It has also been the impetus for a struggle to live that has given me much wisdom, depth, humour, love and joy.
* Another turning point came in my early 20's when I decided to go to university. When I was finishing high school, university didn't seem an option for a lower middle class girl like me, so I chose college, and became a paralegal. When that obviously didn't fit me too well, I quit my job and worked at a camp, outdoors much of the time. This was my first experience of something that suited me. I then moved to Victoria and began university, starting in creative writing, moving to Environmental Studies, and ended up with a degree in Women's Studies from York University. University helped teach me to think critically, and gave me a new place in the world, outside of suburbia. Thank god.
* Starting therapy. I worked with (mostly) the same therapist for about 12 years, both individually and in groups. Those groups, and that therapist, re-parented, re-connected and did something magical to my soul. It was essential and gave me such a base to work from. That community (many people from my groups also became friends) provided me with a huge source of support for so long. I thought it would last forever, but only parts exist now.
* Just a couple years or so after starting therapy, I met the partner I would have for the next 12 years. My life literally became much, much better right away. More fun, more engaged, more everything. Thanks Ted :)
* Having children blasted away my "easy" 20's and catapulted me into the biggest love and challenge I could have dreamed up. The journey continues. I could say so much more, but will keep it for another time.
* The next turning point came when Ted and I decided to separate when our children were ages 5 and 2. Freedom, joy, terrifying loneliness, and anguish over the children's experiences. It also coincided with my community I had had for so long shifting. I have been more alone these past 3 years than I could have imagined being again.
* Discovering Expressive arts/therapy. I wondered about including this one, along with so many major life events, but it seemed right to. I have discovered such a depth of joy, expression, and life in expressive arts in the last couple of years.

There are many other, smaller, but still important turning points I could add, but I wanted to outline the major ones this time.

Whew! I did it. Thanks for listening.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Day 7: Living the wild - things and intentions that make up my purpose in life

I was aware of a fierce determination today to take action (and become ever clearer) on my life purpose. I spent the day writing, cutting out photos, thinking.. weaving in and out of other parts of my day. Here are some words and intentions that resonated with me:

Joyous art-making; Nature; Ecstasy; Nonviolence; Creating a new culture; The real; Farm life; Books and learning; Community; Beauty

I then asked myself to pare it down to 3, and here's a little poem of what's most essential for me:

creating a new culture
the real

The painting above was painted by me with a lot of joy (expressive arts workshop, Spring 2008)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Day 6

Making a new schedule to include some relax time was a priority for me this weekend, so it's appropriate that it was one of the possible tasks for today. After almost 3 weeks with our new not-so-well-trained-but-beautiful dog, and not a minute to myself it's seemed, I have been working on re-arranging my weekly schedule altogether to take the stress off. I've sublet some office space to see clients in (dogs and therapy clients don't fit too well, at least not this dog, right now), and organized for Bo to be walked 3 days/week, and made that hour 3 times/week as my creative time. And I'm going to try to stick to it. I may have to see clients occasionally, but I'm really going to try to paint, write, and daydream during that time. It's nice to have a set time for it. It makes it seem more important, which of course I know as soon as I start doing it. There is hardly anything more satisfying actually. I've also planned for a massage and a haircut for tomorrow. And some long dog walks. Looking forward to stretching out in my weekend. And doing some collaging tomorrow! I've peeked ahead, and tomorrow's exercises look especially good.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Day 5

I loved the Level One exercise to mentally go around my house and see which areas I felt my energy go up or down in. It was pretty clear right away that my favourite room is my sunroom, then my kitchen, then kids' bedrooms, and lastly, my bedroom and the living room. Need to work on that bedroom! So glad to have the sunroom/kitchen. I posted a picture here of the first thing I decluttered when I started on my latest decluttering binge (before Soul Coaching). It felt so good! I washed out all the bottles, got rid of stuff that had been there since I moved in almost 3 years ago, and it's been a pleasure. I was going to take a picture of all the kids puzzles I put out front this morning to be reused by other kids, but they were already gone! I like this Toronto way of recycling items - the items I put out (esp. kids stuff, and recently a TV!) are almost always gone right away, I know to someone else who can use them. I plan on decluttering my whole house, not sure how long it will take, but probably longer than Soul Coaching. Looking forward to what I will have at the end. I also appreciated the discussion in the book about what we associate to certain items. I realized in a way I hadn't before how much I associate my whole house with separating from my ex-partner. We bought it together, then only I moved in. I think this affects my experience of it in important ways, perhaps enough to want to move out of it before too long. I imagine a new house in a whole other way, a way that feels clearer and more energized. I'm thankful for that insight.

Day 4

A day late on this one.. but I did watch my internal dialogue both yesterday and today. I posted a picture of my new dog, Bo, who we got 2 1/2 weeks ago, because he is a pretty important factor in my inner dialogue at the moment. He is a great dog and I'm glad we got him. He is also a source of extra stress right now because he is more of a handful than the breeder explained. So, I'm noticing what happens when I'm stressed - more negative thoughts basically, more depressive thoughts, more self-critical thoughts. But this time I caught it - I knew what was going on and I'm making some moves to decrease the stress. I'll watch my thoughts to see how successful I am. My mind is somewhat like the water reflecting what's around it.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Day 3

Clutter-clearing. I am glad that this is a part of what we will be doing - because my house needs it and I'm ready to do it! A friend of mine moved into the basement, so I'm having to go through all of what I had down there and re-organize or get rid of it. Also, it's just time. I've been doing bits of clutter-clearing in the last couple of months, and I notice many things when I do it. I often start reluctantly, sometimes as if I'm moving a stubborn mountain (me!), or clearing away a fog. I sometimes then feel whatever feeling I've been avoiding, or have it stronger than I have been experiencing (depression, self-hatred are common ones). If I keep moving through it though, it eventually lifts and I become energized and feel much clearer and optimistic, like I can take on the world. I've been musing on this lately - how powerful this small thing is, which is how Denise describes it as well. I've looked ahead in the book, so I know we're doing more! Here are a few pics from my clutter-clearing today, including a photo of a well-loved red fire engine I gave away, that my kids have had since my 8-year-old was about 1. I also noticed that the bedroom was harder than other areas, so I started small there (also because of time). Today no particular emotions came up, but I was already feeling in good spirits, although I don't know what might happen if I took on my closet! I think I'll leave it for another day. Thanks for reading.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Day 2

I realize now that I have less time than I thought! I always thought I had scads of it .. but it turns out I am scrambling to get these posts in so far (and I really want to do it). BUT here goes: even if I have to do Level 1 most of the time, I'm happy to be a part of the process. My One Empowering Action Daily will be to write for 15 minutes a day. I have a harder time following up with commitments/schedules than I would like to admit (harder than anything else probably), so it will be challenging to do this, but I know very, very useful. I posted the above picture simply because I love it (outdoor art created by a friend's partner) and because it symbolizes creativity and openness, which is what I can feel when I write, so this will be my symbol of inspiration to stick to the process. For some reason, writing this today makes me want to do handsprings and say thank you. Thank you to Denise for writing the book, thank you to this little community for going through it together, thanks to blogs for being here, thanks to Jamie for moderating, thanks to nature... the list could go on. Thanks.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Day 1 of Soul Coaching

I want to catch up here (it's actually 1:27am Nov.3rd, officially Day 2, so I did the life assessment First thought, Best thought style (meaning, I wrote down the issue, and then wrote the first thing that came to mind).

Okay, here goes:
Health - sucks
Relationships - better
Finances - could be better
Career - rolling along nicely
Creativity - love it, can't get enough
Spiritual Fulfillment - mm.. very fulfilling

I've done that sort of exercise before (quickly writing down what comes to mind) in relation to different things, and I'm always surprised and find it right on. I'll have to sit with these particular ones for a bit to see if they are too.

What I intend for this month, and for my life is to become a "force of nature" as George Bernard Shaw describes in this, my favourite quote of the moment:

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Soul Coaching..

I'm participating in a "book club" online, although we're doing more than reading. We're working with Soul Coaching, by Denise Linn, and it includes a 28-day program to learn to better listen to our souls (which Denise describes as the "vital core" of us). You can find out more here.
My first entry is to respond to the Introduction and say what I hope to get out of the experience, so here goes:
I am starting to really get that the feeling of "something missing" which many people, including me, have, isn't going to go away when I achieve some goal in my life (different place to live, travel, etc.), even though some of these things may bring more fulfillment. I want to stop believing this before I waste any more time! I'm very curious about how "listening to my soul" might affect my feeling of life. I want to start living as if this is my "real" life, because it is. If this book helps me get even a bit closer to being able to live my life as if it's the only real one I'm getting, imperfect as it will always be, then I will be happy I read it.
My intentions for this month are:
* to actually do this book-blogging online
* to de-clutter my house
* try Nia dance classes
* create a schedule for creative time and exercise time and stick to it

Thursday, October 16, 2008


I've been dragging my feet, getting to writing in here, because of perfectionism.. But I need to start somewhere, so here I am. (that's my daughter, Maeve, showing off her painted face from the local Farmer's Market).

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It's for real

I can start for real.
That's what I am beginning to believe. I can go after my dreams. And after them again as they change.
And I can start now.
Now, not next week, next year, next lifetime.
And I want so much. And that's okay. The more fulfilled I am, the more I have to give.
Writing, mothering, expressive arts, farming, knitting, being in community, and lots of other good stuff.. that's where my heart is these days.
I'm going to start this weekend by getting a dog. I'm scared, full of doubt, and it may turn out to be a mistake, but the idea excites me, and I've been thinking about it for a long time, so I'm going to try.
And I've got lots more to try after that.

What are your dreams?
(I know I don't have any readers yet, but these are the kinds of questions I want to ask, so why not start now, and who knows who might drop by!)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


this is my first post on this new blog.. I'm under review right now because the spam machine has identified it as a possible spam blog (whatever that is!).. so I'm hoping that writing a post in here may help the review!.. can't wait to start for real.